GRIEF + END-OF-LIFE CONCERNS
Grief is not a linear experience. The stages of grief have been around in pop culture for decades, but going through grief is more like being the pinball making its way around a pinball machine. Grief is one of those emotions that people often push away, because it hurts; it can hurt a lot. But the only way out of grief is to go through it.
"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. . .
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
- On Joy and Sorrow, Kahlil Gibran
If you loved what you lost, you can’t ignore or avoid the grief. Your grief is in direct proportion to how deeply you loved or connected with what was lost. The tincture of time will change your experience of grief but you still need to go through it for life to be bigger than your all encompassing grief at the beginning.
Whether it is a recent loss or one that you continue to experience as fresh, there is help and support for your grief. Support groups help us know that grief is a universal experience of being human. Individual therapy can help us have more compassion towards ourselves because moving through grief will be a process.
One of my favorite quotes on grief is: Closure is for business deals and bank accounts. By Therese Rando, a pioneering researcher on grief and loss, the quote underlies the important reality that some very deep losses may not have an end point. For those losses, what we are striving for is understanding how to accommodate that loss rather than being trapped by it.
Regardless of which path you choose to help you through your loss, you don’t have to go through it alone. It seems impossible that one day you could embrace the grief because you understand that it means that you've loved so much. But therapy can help you get there.
The transition towards end-of-life can be a challenging experience. People often use "fighting" language around treating illness that can leave a person thinking they are a failure or they weren't strong enough to defeat the illness. If a person's will or attitude were the key element to overcoming a life limiting illness, there would be far fewer deaths in the world. The unfortunate truth is that its your body that decides the outcome.
People think that death is the opposite of life. But the opposite of death is actually birth. Life is what happens in between.
What a persons values or thoughts about quality of life is important at this time because it is a question of how a person wants to live now, in that time before death. This is an important conversation to have with loved ones, because it is the gift of knowing what that person has decided for themselves, should a surrogate need to make decisions.
Our practitioners can travel this journey with you to help with these conversations or to clarify your own thoughts and decision making process. Expect a lot of emotions, they are all valid at this time of change; we can still face this time with dignity and love.
Other related services:
- Dignity Therapy and Legacy Building
- Advance Care Planning
- Palliative and End-of-Life Education